like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
