I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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