I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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