I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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