Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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