Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Shame is for Republicans.
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