I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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