recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
