I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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