If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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