I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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