am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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