apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
