we have pet lesbian snakes
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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