Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
