Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
