and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
