The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
