I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
