New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
