sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
