my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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