This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you win again, gameday.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize