dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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