Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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