Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize