hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
