My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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