i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
