Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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