Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
