you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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