I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
