also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
