remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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