just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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