i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
