I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
