I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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