i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
