Porn is love you can see.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
