I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Randomize
