she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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