i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
