I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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