You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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