It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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