so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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