I wanna bring you to show and tell
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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