Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
