I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
