he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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