Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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