So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
