My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
