Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
