The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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