u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
