Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
