I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I had to cum in my sink.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize