I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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