my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
