I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
