Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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