oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
