What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
