if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize